i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
