did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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