I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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