I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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