My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
