In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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