I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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