the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize