Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there was a trapeze. enough said
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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