We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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