so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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