so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
