He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
