I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
