Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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