Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
