My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
