im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
