Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
