Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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