Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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