You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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