I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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