He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she smelled like a LAN party
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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