so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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