The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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