Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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