well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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