Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
