You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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