doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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