Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
