I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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