clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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