I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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