worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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