You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
