My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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