sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
