He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
