Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
