Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
