Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
