Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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