I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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