What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
