I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
