if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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