First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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