woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
