also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
