After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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