My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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