what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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