Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
