R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
