apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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