Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
