felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
