I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
