he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
