my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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