All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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