Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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