jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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