"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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