I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
