If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
