i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
