You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
