the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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