Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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