If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
