Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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