For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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