I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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