he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it glows. i had to have it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
