Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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