Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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