it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
