in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
